Going
to a car boot sale and coming away with a 1980s version of
Trivial Pursuit for under three pounds is a joy. Really. Because
instantly I am transported back in time to incredibly large
mobile phones, Bananarama and power dressing.
But
the delight doesn't end there. It's the questions themselves.
Landing on blue and Mrs Pem might ask me what the capital
of Yugoslavia is. No mention of the word "former" at all.
It's like recent genocide never happened.
Minutes
later, I'm landing on blue again only to be asked this time
what colour the hammer and sickle is on the Soviet Union's
flag. August, 1991 and the fall of the world's first communist
superpower anyone? I should think so.
I
state that it was gold and proceed to throw a one. This
lands me on the pink. Get this one right and I'll have secured
the pink wedge!
"Who
left Sue Lawley to get up early?" Why, of course, it was
Frank Bough! Back to the days where Frank was still the
essence of the BBC. Rational knitwear and Werther's Originals.
A few lines of Charlie still just a twinkle in his eye.
Well, it would be.
I
throw a six and land on the orange. Sport. Not my favourite,
as a rule but let's see.
"Who
was Britain's first six-figure footballer?"
Marvel
that this is not in fact the monthly earnings when taking
into account product endorsements but the transfer fee.
I plump for Trevor Francis, but no, I've failed. It's Alan
Ball. Heady days.
I feel stupid. I bet everyone knows that one. Confidence
still low, just minutes later I land on the green. Cruelly,
I am asked:
"What are you if your IQ is below 25?"
The
fates are mocking me but bravely I suggest that the answer
is "cretin."
"Idiot,"
says she.